Are you searching for Michael Scott quotes? our best collection of Michael Scott Quotes. Whether you’re a die-hard fan of “The Office” or just in need of a good laugh, these quotes encapsulate Michael Scott’s unique blend of humor, awkwardness, and unexpected insights. Share them on social media, use them as captions for your moments of hilarity, or simply let them brighten your day. Explore the world of “That’s what she said” jokes and memorable one-liners with our Michael Scott Quotes that bring the comedic genius of this beloved character to life.
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me…no, don’t sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I’m trying to make.
They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me
Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.
Two queens at casino night. I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.
Michael Scott Quotes
The eyes are the groin of the face. — Dwight Schrute
I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try. — Jim Halpert
I Feel Like All My Kids Grew Up And Then They Married Each Other. It’s Every Parent’s Dream
The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!
Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?
The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.
I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.
I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.
I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to. — Ryan Howard
I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl, so I’m wise and have worms.
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little ‘stitious
The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers and my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them.
Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
When he displayed his lack of understanding of geography and world history:
I think, why waste time saying a lot of words when few words do the trick? — Kevin Malone
You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis
I don’t care what they say about me, I just wanna eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party. – Pam Beesly
You know what they say, fool me once that’s strike one, but fool me twice… strike two
People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.
And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate
There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So I don’t think that this is just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.
I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.
And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas
I’m Not Superstitious, But I Am A Little Stitious.
This morning I saw a YouTube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar for stunning is pretty high.
You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.
Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order
When he knew he was a Queen Bey in a world of Michelles and Kellys:
Fool Me Once, Strike One, But Fool Me Twice… Strike Three
Oh, you’re paying way too much for worms, man. Who’s your worm guy? — Creed Bratton
Ultimatums are key. Nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself.
If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would Shoot Toby twice
Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.
There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.
Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.
I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid. — Phyllis Vance
I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
You miss 100 percent of the chances you don’t take.
I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all. And it’s terrible.
Hey Mister Scott, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Make our dreams come true! Hey Mister Scott, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Make our dreams come true!
Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.
Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.
Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
I learned a while back, that if I don’t text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because, they think that something horrible, has happened.
You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.
Whether you’re scared of dying, dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be. It’s going to be OK.
You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, and blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.
When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that. — Pam Beesley
Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And, Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through…[draws a question mark] delusion. – Jim Halpert
There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.
Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.
You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.
Yeah, I have a lot of questions. First of all: How dare you?
I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.
I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40, I had less money than I did when I was 30.
I don’t want to be married in a tent like a hobo. — Angela Martin
I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.
About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.
When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.
Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?
It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong. And if you don’t like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I’ll say it to my next one, too.
Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.
Here it is, the heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you’re in it.
I’ve been involved in several cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader. — Creed Bratton
This is a dream that I’ve had…since lunch…and I’m not giving it up now.
Any man who says he understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.
Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going.
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.
Sometimes I get so bored, I just want to scream. And then sometimes, I do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.
When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not a part of his family.
If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward? — Creed Bratton
Do I need to be liked? Not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, and lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it.
Lots of rules, lot of rules! On the street, we didn’t have any rules.
I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.
Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
I am fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.
Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.
Occasionally I’ll hit someone with my car. So sue me.
I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. I probably learned more from the losers.
Tell ya one thing, I’m not gonna be a good mom tonight. — Meredith
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