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Do you know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Do you know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam
Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong
He’s fine. That’s it. Nothing wrong with that, most people are fine. But it’s not about him. It’s about why the if you think he deserves you. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by fking lightning. Don’t you dare settle for a fine?
As if you needed any further evidence that Kent was all heart, we fell in love with him a little more when he says to Rebecca…
Hey, Siri. Play The ‘Roy Is Sorry For Not Understanding Keeley’ Playlist
Roy Kent Quotes
Don’t you dare settle for a fine? -Roy Kent
Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ‘cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it
Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore
Jamie Tartt is a muppet. And I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little b**ch
You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine
You Deserve Someone Who Makes You Feel Like You’ve Been Struck By F***ing Lightning—Don’t You Dare Settle For Fine!
Probably homesick. The closest thing he can find to a Dodge Ram. – Roy Kent
If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later
We lost. would have been closer, but one of the goals got disallowed because apparently nine-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet. f***ing brain development
You play like that next week, you can kiss the trophy goodbye, ’cause today, you all played like a bunch of little pricks! Do you hear me?
You’re An Ugly, Ugly Boy… With Bad Hair
Most adults think kids need to be constantly entertained. It’s Bullsh!t. I didn’t need a Fing parade every day growing up, did you? Truth is- they just want to feel like they’re part of our lives. Little idiots. – Roy
Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, that was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.
I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.
This isn’t black. This is dark heather charcoal
Felt good to be back around the game
Stupid Barking Means It’s Over, Right?
Oi! You listen to me! You play like that next week, you can kiss the trophy goodbye, ’cause today, you all played like a bunch of little pr! cks! Do you hear me?
If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.
You could fill two internet with what I don’t know about football
shut up. just shut up. you had me on the couch
How the f*ck does he know I love white orchids?
We Lost. Would Have Been Closer But One Of The Goals Got Disallowed Because Apparently 9-Year-Olds Aren’t Allowed To Do Headers Yet
Enjoy your trophies for winning nothing. – Roy
I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.
most adults think kids need to be constantly entertained. it’s bulls. I didn’t need a fine parade every day growing up, did you? truth is they just wanna feel like they’re part of our lives. little idiots
I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.
Look, most adults think kids need to be constantly entertained. It’s bullshit… The truth is they just wanna feel like they’re part of our lives. Little idiots.
I Do Yoga With A Group Of Women In Their Sixties. They’ve No Idea Who I Am. It’s Twice A Week, And It’s Really Good For My Core.
One of the goals was disallowed because apparently 9-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet. Fing brain development. – Roy
Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson—on a high!
I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me
Jamie, deep down, at your core, you are a prick. So just be a prick
Holy f*cking shit, you look incredible
Where Does Bernard Live?”/ “Roy, We Are Not Going To Go Beat Up A Little Kid.”/ “Why Not?
What do you have to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die? – Roy
You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.
As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.
I’m a footballer. No one cares if we swear. It’s part of the job. It’s encouraged
What have you got to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die?
I brought you here to remind you that football is a fcking game that you used to play as a fcking kid. Cause it was fun, even when you were getting your fcking legs broken. or your fcking feelings hurt. So fck your feelings, fck your overthinking, fck all that bullshit, go back out there and have some fcking fun.
I Like Being Roy Kent. I Don’t Know If I Can Handle Just Being Some Loser Has-Been Called Roy
Roy- we are not going to go beat up a little kid. – Keeley
If the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.
Do you know what the happiest animal on earth is? It’s a goldfish. Do you know why? It’s got a 10-second memory
I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me
Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at Coach.
He’s fine. That’s it. Nothing wrong with that, most people are fine. But it’s not about him. It’s about why the F do you think he deserves you. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by Fing lightning. Don’t you dare settle for a fine?
I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you.
If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously
The best teachers are the toughest ones. My first coach used to chase me around the pitch on a motorbike like we were in f***ing Mad Max.
That Rebecca is an intimidating and very tall woman
I don’t know, kinda like all the nipples in that movie showgirls. Halfway through you don’t even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative. -Ted Lasso
I’m sorry Roy. But I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life coaching somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin ASAP. – Ted Lasso
Your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something really bad could happen.
Hey, Siri. Play The ‘Roy Is Sorry For Not Understanding Keeley’ Playlist
Deep down, at your core, you’re a prick. So just be a prick. We need you to score more goals and we need you to get in the other teams’ fcking heads and drive them up the fcking wall like only you can f*cking do.…
I’m also just a coach, standing in front of a boy, asking him if- – Ted Lasso
I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.
A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.
You Deserve Someone Who Makes You Feel Like You’ve Been Struck By F***ing Lightning—Don’t You Dare Settle For Fine
You’ve been making out to everyone like I’m following you around, like a needy, clingy fcking fridge magnet? I’m an idiot. Oh, fck this
Shut up, just shut up. You had me at Coach. – Roy Kent
It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air
You’re An Ugly, Ugly Boy… With Bad Hair
Babe, I think you’re the cat’s pajamas, but your feet are in an f cking state
Hey Siri, Play the Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’s playlist. – Roy
So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree you know? I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.
This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off of it either.
Stupid Barking Means It’s Over, Right?
He’s a piece of shit… sorry yeah, he’s a very alive piece of shit
Stole those roses from your neighbor’s garden, ripped them to shreds. -Roy
Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.
If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.
I Do Yoga With A Group Of Women In Their Sixties. They’ve No Idea Who I Am. It’s Twice A Week, And It’s Really Good For My Core.
Oh, right. Yeah, no. That’s a thing…
I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11
Babe, I think you’re the cat’s pajamas but your feet are in a f@cking state. – Roy
Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter
Keeley: So where do you think her father is right now?
Sorry, yeah, he’s a living piece of sh!t. – Roy Kent
Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts
I’m sort of famous for being almost famous
I Like Being Roy Kent I Don’t Know If I Can Handle Just Being Some Loser Has-Been Called Roy
When everyone is discussing what happens after death and Roy was a man of few words after Coach Beard suggested that there is a weight to your soul.
She called one of her classmates a pathetic sh!t f@cker. – Teacher
Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough and tumble playgrounds of Bookridge Elementary School. One, if little Ronnie Fouch offers you a candy bar, you immediately say no and get the hell out of there cause there’s a good chance that the little son of a gun has pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper. No one ever saw him do it, but a couple of people ate it. Number two, the teacher tells a bully not to pick on someone, it’s just gonna make it worse
Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty
Coach Beard: You know, if you weigh a person’s body right after death, it’s 21.3 grams lighter, and some say that’s the weight of the soul.
Oh yes… but that’s not the point. – Teacher
Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?
It’s kind of like back in the 80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.
Roy: Whoever figured that out clearly weighed someone, murdered them, then weighed them again. You live, you die, and you’re done. Good night.
We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It doesn’t get nearly enough credit.
This was an episode used to set the season finale up, however, Roy was able to deliver with his short amount of time on screen.
Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.
The fact Roy is unaware that his eyebrows are crazy.
I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.
Then on top of that, he’s told he has to wear all black.
I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.
Roy: This isn’t black. This is dark heather charcoal.
You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ‘em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ‘em in one piece, you hear?
You’re always wearing black.
If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up
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