Are you looking for funny birthday quotes? Here is the right place to get the best collections of funny birthday quotes. Wish, your friends, family make them a special memorable birthday day.
Despite all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. — John Glenn
n your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship… and all that stuff that doesn’t cost anything. Happy Birthday!
You don’t look a day over 16! From a distance, with my eyes closed. Happy birthday!
I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I’m returning the favor. Happy Birthday!
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. – Francis Bacon
Funny Birthday Quotes
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
I always limit my budget for buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age. — Robert Frost
Happy Birthday! For your special day, I made you a cake. BOOM YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.
Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
It’s your birthday? Let’s get up to some mischief!
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off. — Joan Rivers
Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!
Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest. Happy Birthday.
A wise man once said, “Forget about your past – you cannot change it.” I’d like to add: “Forget about your present – I didn’t get you one.
That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing. – Bob Hope
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates my birthday? Because it’s July 4th. — Gloria Stuart
I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!
A wise man once said, “Forget about your past, you cannot change it”. I’d like to add: “Forget about your present, I didn’t get you one”. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who’s smart, funny, and good-looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.
After 30, a body has a mind of its own. Bette Midler.
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off. – Joan Rivers
May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.
My Birthday! What a different sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears. — Thomas Moore
Happy Birthday, Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you… But hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.
You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents. Happy Birthday!
You’re how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.
Live your life and forget your age. – Norman Vincent Peale
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. – Lucille Ball
On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky-high and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.
Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it. — Greg Tamblyn
Happy birthday to my brother who has the world’s greatest sister! You are so lucky haha! Hope this makes you smile and shake your head for the rest of your special day!
May your birthday cake be moist, and may no one use that word to describe it.
It’s OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t. Richard Bach
After 30, a body has a mind of its own. – Bette Midler
You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, my dearest friend! Hope you have the best day celebrating. I can’t wait to BOOP you on the nose in a few short months. Love you always.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. — Lucille Ball
Happy birthday! I hope you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one, naked and screaming.
You know, they say that age is all in your mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.
We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
The older you get the better you get unless you are a banana. – Betty White
Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. — George Burns
Even with your ripe old age, you’re still the best friend someone could ask for. I’ll get the prune juice ready though. Happy Birthday.
On your birthday you might be thinking “Oh man I’m getting old”, but don’t worry. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing dumb stuff. You’ll just be doing it slower. Happy birthday!
You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct!
We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old. Ralph Waldo Emerson
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it. – Doris Day
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. — Steven Wright.
Smart, good-looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
Here’s to many more rotations around the sun. May you live to be old and toothless – Jell-O is the caviar of the future! Happy Birthday.
I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.
Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years… wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?
Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you. Ogden Nash
Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. – Billie Burke
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl. — Chris Hardwick
May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I think it’s great… How you used to be young.
When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire. – Rodney Dangerfield
Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night.
The older you get the better you get unless you are a banana. — Betty White
At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified, and sober… Disappoint them. Happy Birthday!
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it. – Golda Meir.
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. – Kitty Collins
Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
Just remember once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. — Charles Schultz
It’s your birthday! Do you know what that means? One year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids “Get off my lawn!” Everyone loves that guy!
The best part of being over forty is that you did most of your stupid stuff before the internet. Happy birthday!
You’re not old! …oh, no, wait, actually you are, sorry about that…
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
If you survive long enough, you’re revered rather than an old building. – Katherine Hepburn
Well done – you have still been alive for several years!
was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody. — George Burns
Let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night. Happy birthday!
Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. – Charles Schulz
Eventually, you reach a point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. – Will Rogers
Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me!
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it. — Doris Day
Your birthday is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a weekday. Bottoms up!
Happy Birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday, I will forget yours if you forget mine! – Kate Summers
Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened. — Cora Harvey Armstrong
I wouldn’t say you’re old… you’ve just been young for longer than most of us.
Eventually, you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Will Rogers
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. – Erma Bombeck
Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18. — Mark Twain
You know you’re 40 when your back is hairier than your head. Happy Birthday!
Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday, queen.
You’ve got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome… if you could remember any of it.
Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it! Nicky Gumbel
All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. – George Harrison
If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. — Norman Wisdom
Turning 40 is a piece of cake and a few extra candles.
Happy birthday to a guy who still isn’t showing his age… And definitely not acting it.
You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!
We must both, I’m afraid, recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary. – C. S. Lewis
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday – Steven Wright
Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
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