Are you looking for Joe Dirt quotes? The humor and charm of Joe Dirt with our best collections of quotes. These quotes are hilarity and memorable moments of the comedy character. From funny one-liners to heartfelt ones, Get into Joe Dirt’s world through these quotes, perfect for fans of the movie and those who enjoy a good laugh.
But you gotta keep going. I won’t quit. That’s not an option. You gotta keep on keeping on. Life’s a garden, dig it, and make it work for you. You never give up, man. That’s my philosophy. You hear that?” – Joe Dirt
Keep on, keepin’ on – Joe Dirt
Actually, it got towed away two years ago.
If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!
You’d like to think that Joe has a few brains in his head, but when he straps himself to an old septic tank from an RV, it doesn’t say much about his intelligence.
Joe Dirt Quotes
My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.
Check it out, guys! Are you crying, boy? Are you crying, boy? Maybe go back to McDonald’s, buy yourself some hamburgers and French whoops!
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You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart. ‘No’ is not an option, brother.
When bad pets go bad, dang.
And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.
You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!
Hey! You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
Buffalo Bob’s kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt’s a weird name and how cool am I?
Almighty God, from inbred heaven? Hey, weird boy, he called, he wants his hairstyle back.
Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you. – Joe Dirt
Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?
Like them spinning tires, do ya?
And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and checking out chic dogs saying ‘What’s up, baby?’
Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealing with a deadly alligator. And yes, they are deadly, don’t kid yourself. Rule number one, I’m number one. Ya hear that, I like ta kid around. Rule two, the Croc’s number two. Now before I begin…
Clem was arguably one of the best characters in the whole film since Christopher Walken is, well, he’s Christopher Walken… ’nuff said.
No, afraid not. That’s just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.
Yeah, do you want a party? My face and your ass! How about that, my friend? Hey? I mean, your a** and my face, what’s up?
You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it into the microphone? I have a backup mike right here. Check, one, two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’ and guess what? They don’t like any feedback, what’s up? – Joe Dirt
Things get the darkest before dawn.
But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?
Kid at Gator Farm: Hey, what’s rule three?
You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?
Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.
Oh, when bad pets turn bad, damn it. It’s like cartoons, I see all the ‘tweet tweet’.
It puts the lotion on its skin. Now! – Buffalo Bob
I’m a rocker through and through. Here’s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard.
Well, I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.
This is probably one of the last things you should be saying to a guy who can eat about as much as you weigh.
What’s the deal with your hair? Are you doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
They clean the bowl so you don’t have to! Hehehe, no, I didn’t.
Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt. – Joe Dirt
Despite all the stuff that happens to him, Joe keeps a positive attitude through everything. One has to wonder just how in the heck that’s even possible.
Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton’s a**, I’d take a bite out of it.
Joe Dirt: Yeah, man, that little boy, that’s me. My parents were—this was my home. I thought this was it this time.
Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt. – Joe Dirt
Now, this ain’t no flapjack, so I’m gonna be real careful, I won’t look.
Joe Dirt: You know I’d love to beat your ass all up and down this place but I gotta go back to work.
Luckily, my neck broke my fall. Yeah, that’s exactly what you want breaking your fall. But on the plus side, he almost landed on his head, the least important part of his body.
You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!
No, I’m not afraid. It’s just a big lump of frozen poop.
Joe Dirt: So you’re gonna tell me that you don’t have any black cats, Roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Your nuts are frozen to the porch. Oh, that sucks. – Joe Dirt
Oh, come on man. You got no lady’s fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das or crap flappers?
Oil Rig Boss: Joe Dirt, you fired. Here’s your week’s pay.
The guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.
So, what you’re telling me, is that you’re so ingrained with White Trash, that your facial hair just grows in all white trashy like that?
What happens to your hair? Do you do stunts for Billy Ray Cyrus?
Joe Dirt: Oh come on, man. You got no lady’s fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das or crap flappers?
Joe Dirt’s Foster Mother: He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done.
Why don’t you go practice fallin’ down? I’ll be there in a minute.
Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.
Kickin’ Wing: No, because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
If you’re driving a Mopar, you probably look like him.
Meteor Bert: Well I’m sure it did but it ain’t no meteor. It’s a big ol’ frozen chunk o’ shit.
You gotta keep on keepin’ on. Life’s a garden: dig it. You gotta make it work for you.
Do you want to fight? Why don’t you stick your head in my butt and fight for air?
I got the poo on me! – Joe Dirt
Meteor Bert: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call ’em Boeing bombs.
All’s I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things will come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have ‘No’ in my heart.
You know I’d love to kick your ass here, but I have to get back to work.
Well, that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.
Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
If you’re covered in oil, don’t stand next to a fire.
Sound like shit to you? Like spinning wheels, right?
You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore. – Kicking Wing
They’re large and in charge, and they’re looking for chickies.
Joe Dirt: Well, huh, might as well ask why is a tree good. Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you… (CONTINUE READING)
Hey! How exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sunset? How exactly does a posi-trac rear-end on a Plymouth work? It just does.
Do you really think you can match your tilt against this hemi? Hey? So let’s go, kid!
You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore. – Kickin’ Wing
Do you like to see homos naked? The guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.
Right on. Things are gonna happen for me! I’m Joe Dirt!
That’s all! You and me, go!
Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make every day count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. – Joe Dirt
No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like. – Kicking Wing
Here is a list of some amazing Joe Dirt quotes from the movie. You are going to enjoy and love these.
Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled backwater accent] Home is where you make it.
He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done. – Miss Clipper
I’m not messin’ around! I hit it, and it goes bang. Alright? Now while I’m up here waiting you show me them boobies!
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
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